dROU Xenophobe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
drou_cuddles) wrote2015-03-16 09:07 pm
drou_cuddles) wrote2015-03-16 09:07 pm
Let me tell you about Xeny
One of the people in the group held a little bundle of brown and yellow fur, cradled against one shoulder rather as one might hold a baby. "Here," the man said, presenting the tiny furry creature to Sma. She took it reluctantly. It was warm, had four limbs arranged conventionally, smelled attractive, and wasn't any sort of animal she'd ever seen before; it had large ears on a large head, and as she held it, it opened its huge eyes and looked at her. "That's the ship," the man who'd handed her the animal said.
"Hello," the tiny being squeaked.
Sma looked it up and down. "You're the Xenophobe?"
"Its representative. The bit you can talk to. You can call me Xeny." It smiled; it had little round teeth. "I know most ships just use a drone, but," it glanced at Skaffen-Amtiskaw, "they can be a bit boring, don't you think?"
She smiled, and sensed Skaffen-Amtiskaw's aura flicker out of the corner of her eye. "Well, sometimes," she agreed.
"Oh yes," the little creature said, nodding. "I'm much cuter." It wriggled in her hands, looking happy. "If you like," it giggled, "I'll show you to your cabin, yes?"
"Yes; good idea," nodded Sma, and put the thing over her shoulder. The crewpeople called out to say they'd see her later as she, the ship's bizarre remote drone, and Skaffen-Amtiskaw headed for the accommodation section.
"Ooh, you're nice and warm," the little brown and yellow creature mumbled sleepily, snuggling into Sma's neck as they headed down a deeply carpeted corridor for Sma's quarters. It stirred and she found herself patting its back. "Left here," it said, at a junction, and then, "That's us just breaking orbit now, by the way."
"Good," Sma said.
"Can I cuddle up with you when you sleep?"
Sma stopped, detatched the creature from her shoulder with one hand and stared it in the face. "What?"
"Just for chumminess' sake," the little thing said, yawning wide and blinking. "I'm not being rude; it's a good bonding procedure."
Sma was aware of Skaffen-Amtiskaw glowing red just behind her. She brought the yellow and brown device closer to her face. "Listen, Xenophobe--"
"Xeny."
"Xeny. You are a million-ton starship; a Torturer-class Rapid Offensive Unit. Even--"
"But I'm demilitarized!"
"Even without your principal armament, I bet you could waste planets if you wanted to--"
"Aw, come on; any silly GCU can do that!"
"So what is all this shit for?" She shook the furry little remote drone, quite hard. Its teeth chattered.
"It's for a laugh!" it cried. "Sma; don't you appreciate a joke?"
"I don't know. Do you appreciate being drop-kicked back to the accommodation area?"
"Ooo! What's your problem, lady? Have you got something against small furry animals, or what? Look, Ms. Sma; I know very well I'm a ship, and I do everything I'm asked to do--including taking you to this frankly rather fuzzily specified destination--and do it very efficiently, too. If there was the slightest sniff of any real action, and I had to start acting like a warship, this construct in your hands would go lifeless and limp immediately, and I'd battle as ferociously and decisively as I've been trained to. Meanwhile, like my human colleagues, I amuse myself harmlessly. If you really hate my current appearance, all right; I'll change it; I'll be an ordinary drone, or just a disembodied voice, or talk to you through Skaffen-Amtiskaw here, or through your personal terminal. The last thing I want to do is offend a guest."
Sma pursed her lips. She patted the thing on its head, and sighed. "Fair enough."
"I can keep this shape?"
"By all means."
"Oh goody!" It squirmed with pleasure, then opened its big eyes wide and looked hopefully at her. "Cuddle?"
"Cuddle." Sma cuddled it and patted its back.
She turned to see Skaffen-Amtiskaw lying dramatically on its back in mid-air, its aura field flashing the lurid orange that was used to signal Sick Drone in Extreme Distress.
--Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons
"Hello," the tiny being squeaked.
Sma looked it up and down. "You're the Xenophobe?"
"Its representative. The bit you can talk to. You can call me Xeny." It smiled; it had little round teeth. "I know most ships just use a drone, but," it glanced at Skaffen-Amtiskaw, "they can be a bit boring, don't you think?"
She smiled, and sensed Skaffen-Amtiskaw's aura flicker out of the corner of her eye. "Well, sometimes," she agreed.
"Oh yes," the little creature said, nodding. "I'm much cuter." It wriggled in her hands, looking happy. "If you like," it giggled, "I'll show you to your cabin, yes?"
"Yes; good idea," nodded Sma, and put the thing over her shoulder. The crewpeople called out to say they'd see her later as she, the ship's bizarre remote drone, and Skaffen-Amtiskaw headed for the accommodation section.
"Ooh, you're nice and warm," the little brown and yellow creature mumbled sleepily, snuggling into Sma's neck as they headed down a deeply carpeted corridor for Sma's quarters. It stirred and she found herself patting its back. "Left here," it said, at a junction, and then, "That's us just breaking orbit now, by the way."
"Good," Sma said.
"Can I cuddle up with you when you sleep?"
Sma stopped, detatched the creature from her shoulder with one hand and stared it in the face. "What?"
"Just for chumminess' sake," the little thing said, yawning wide and blinking. "I'm not being rude; it's a good bonding procedure."
Sma was aware of Skaffen-Amtiskaw glowing red just behind her. She brought the yellow and brown device closer to her face. "Listen, Xenophobe--"
"Xeny."
"Xeny. You are a million-ton starship; a Torturer-class Rapid Offensive Unit. Even--"
"But I'm demilitarized!"
"Even without your principal armament, I bet you could waste planets if you wanted to--"
"Aw, come on; any silly GCU can do that!"
"So what is all this shit for?" She shook the furry little remote drone, quite hard. Its teeth chattered.
"It's for a laugh!" it cried. "Sma; don't you appreciate a joke?"
"I don't know. Do you appreciate being drop-kicked back to the accommodation area?"
"Ooo! What's your problem, lady? Have you got something against small furry animals, or what? Look, Ms. Sma; I know very well I'm a ship, and I do everything I'm asked to do--including taking you to this frankly rather fuzzily specified destination--and do it very efficiently, too. If there was the slightest sniff of any real action, and I had to start acting like a warship, this construct in your hands would go lifeless and limp immediately, and I'd battle as ferociously and decisively as I've been trained to. Meanwhile, like my human colleagues, I amuse myself harmlessly. If you really hate my current appearance, all right; I'll change it; I'll be an ordinary drone, or just a disembodied voice, or talk to you through Skaffen-Amtiskaw here, or through your personal terminal. The last thing I want to do is offend a guest."
Sma pursed her lips. She patted the thing on its head, and sighed. "Fair enough."
"I can keep this shape?"
"By all means."
"Oh goody!" It squirmed with pleasure, then opened its big eyes wide and looked hopefully at her. "Cuddle?"
"Cuddle." Sma cuddled it and patted its back.
She turned to see Skaffen-Amtiskaw lying dramatically on its back in mid-air, its aura field flashing the lurid orange that was used to signal Sick Drone in Extreme Distress.
--Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons